Birthdayness

Really, sometimes I think I have a blog just so I can make up words all the time and no one can say anything, because, hey, it's my blog.  And my birthday.  :)

I am so loved.  I think that is part of the reason I love my birthday so much.  Because even amidst disappointments and bad days, there are people who love me.  And those people come out of the woodwork on my birthday!  Facebook messages, texts, phone calls, balloons, cards, flowers, presents, lunch.  Those are all things that made today special from other people.

Emily got me a beautiful orchid for my birthday. And Ginger, Taylor, Hudson, and Daniel brought me balloons.  It was a pretty quiet birthday, which is exactly what I needed.  I binge watched lots of TV, colored, had Chickfila for lunch, and am heading out to Bible study in a few minutes.  It was a fantastic day.  Sometimes, I wish it could be my birthday every day.  But then it wouldn't be so special, would it?

3rd/4th of July

I can't not post about the 4th of July.  It's my very favorite holiday.  Okay, almost, since we all know that my birthday is my very favoritist holiday.  As such, I tend to be stubborn pretty determined about not travelling anywhere for my birthday weekend.  I don't like that I don't get to see family for the 4th and my birthday.  But I travel for most every holiday, and I really like to be at home.  So I get pretty stubborn, selfish, persistent when it comes to staying home for my birthday.  For years I have been trying to convince some of my family to come celebrate the 4th with me because Peoria puts on THE BEST fireworks display!  This year, I almost succeeded in getting Michele and Sergio to come for the 4th.  Except apparently some people have to work on the 5th.  Who knew?!  So they came for the 3rd instead.  Lucky for them, Peoria puts on a pretty good fireworks display on the 3rd too.

And, yes, we are in sweatshirts.  The high on Sunday was only 68 degrees!  Crazy Illinois weather!  We also went to lunch at Avantis and dinner at Sugar (nutella smores pizza...YUM!).  And since it was raining earlier in the day, we went to the Riverfront Museum.

I was so glad to have family in town with me!  Maybe they can bring a few more people along next year.  And take the 5th off so they can see the riverfront fireworks!  Because they are AWESOME!

 This year, several from our group went down really early to stake out a great seat. We were on the second floor near Joe's Crab Shack.  Then the rest of us joined them for dinner around 5.  It was another beautiful evening.  I still wore jeans, even though it was closer to 80 degrees.  Above is Holly and I with the bridge and some crowds in the background.

 The Spirit of Peoria.

 And the crowds are starting to gather!

 What is this, you may ask?  Why such an odd picture, you may ask?  Memories.  Even the grossest, weirdest things make for the best memories.  We will forever be able to say, "Remember the year the mayflies started dive bombing us and dropping like flies just minutes before the fireworks.  This, folks, is a whole heap of dead mayflies.  Right where we had been sitting for most of the afternoon while they innocently watched and waited for just the right moment.  We were able to mostly ignore them during the fireworks, even though I may have had one fall down my shirt.  And I may have had a few dead in my hair.  And I may have jumped every few seconds as more fell from the sky.  But, honestly, even a few million mayflies couldn't stop the spectacular from happening!  Have I mentioned that Peoria had THE MOST MAGNIFICENT fireworks display.  Where every song (they are shot off timed to music) seems like it is the finale, but then you realize that another song is starting.  And it goes on for 30 minutes of amazingness.  My pictures didn't even begin to do it justice!

Oh, yeah, back to those mayflies, this was during the fireworks.  I didn't take time to take a picture after the fireworks, but their were even more!  Weirdest experience ever!

PS.  Don't let this sway you from coming next year to see them with me...In 10 years, this is the first time I have ever seen the mayfly epidemic.  You'll be safe, I promise!

Wonderful Memories

I am not going to do this post justice, but I want to try. Sunday my grandma passed away after a short battle with cancer. It was a great loss for our family. My grandma has been a centerpiece in my life whom I often took for granted. She always knew all the gossip family news.  If you ever needed to know information about someone in the family, it was almost as easy to go to Grandma for information than it was to go the source.  But Grandma could keep a secret too!  Over the years, I was always amazed at the new things I learned about Grandma.  On one of my more recent visits, I learned that my grandpa bought her a Mustang convertible when my mom, aunts, and uncles were teenagers!

Things I learned from my grandma:
--My love of puzzles (jigsaw, crosswords, and word searches)
--My love of books and going to the library to get them
--My love of the written letter
--I'd like to think that I got my sense of humor from Grandma, but I'm not sure!
--Love of the indoors :)  Apparently, according to recent discussions with other family members, Grandma did not really enjoy the great outdoors!
--How to wake up early (I don't think I really learned this from Grandma, but I definitely inherited it, even if I didn't want to!)

This picture was taken a few weeks ago on a rare outing for Grandma to my mom, brother, and sister-in-law's house.  Grandma did not like to have her picture taken, so we may have snuck some pictures.  This one was my absolute favorite!

Grandma went into the hospital two weeks ago and we were told that the tumor in her intestines had grown.  We knew this was a turning point for the family.  I traveled up to the suburbs the last two weeks to spend time with her.  They were five very good days for her.  I was so thankful for that time, even though I wished for more.  Even in her last days, she was telling stories and saying things to make us laugh.  And caring about others.  Two weeks ago, she was asking me about my church, and my half-siblings.  Some of the time she seemed so confused and then she would ask questions about things that I would not expect her to remember.  She cared so much about each of us, even if she sometimes had a weird way of showing it.  One of her favorite exasperated phrases was, "You people!" usually said often when there was a family gathering.  We started referring to all of us hanging out at the house the past couple of weeks as a party, because she was never alone.  Erin told me the other day that she had said to Grandma, "I'll see you tomorrow for the party."  And Grandma said, "It would be a real party if everyone left!"  Haha--such a Grandma thing to say.

Saturday night, the last conversation we had with her was when she was going to bed.  Nate and Erin had just helped get her to her room, which often caused her a lot of pain.  As we were saying goodbye, Nate told her that he would see her tomorrow for the party.  She asked him what she should make :).  He told her that she didn't need to make anything, she just needed to supply the drugs.  She said, "Oh, I have plenty of those!"  When I leaned in to say goodbye she asked if I was going home, because she knew I always had to travel from Peoria and back.  I told her no, I would see her for the party tomorrow, too and then leave tomorrow to go home.  Little did we know that she would take a turn for the worst in the middle of the night.  My mom got a call in the morning and we all went to the house.  Grandma was unconscious all morning but we were able to take turns sitting with her and holding her hand.  It was good to be with family.  She passed away at 11:15.  She will be so missed.

My aunt had this picture in one of her albums.  Grandma is holding me at my cousin's second birthday.  I am a little over one.

Things I remember about grandma from when I was younger:
--Sorting huge jars of pennies on her floor
--Doing puzzles with her
--She would make "sand" boxes out of cornmeal (I think)
--I only liked carrots the way she cut them
--Her house was one of my favorite places to be

My cousin Megan took this picture on Friday.  Such a precious thing:

Grief is such a funny thing.  Even on Sunday, we laughed and cried as we shared memories.  This week has been a bit of a roller coaster.  My supervisor has been amazing and almost forced me to go home on Monday.  My clients have cooperated by cancelling some appointments so I can work short days.  I have been pretty lethargic in the mornings, randomly teary during the day, at times in denial that she is gone.  Most of the family will head to Missouri this weekend, where my grandma was from.  There will be a small service on Sunday and her remains will be buried there.  We will have a family get together in July.  We will learn to function as a family without her at the center.  It will be hard, but it is expected.  We should take a vote on who will be the bearer of all family news :).

Here is the obituary that some of the family wrote.  Even from this, I learned something new.  I never knew she had the nickname of Possum!

Pauline (Denton) Koszycki, a long-time resident of the Chicagoland area, died Sunday the 5th of June 2016 at her home in Roselle, Illinois surrounded by her children and grandchildren. Born the 13th of November 1927 in Mountain View, Missouri, she attended a women's college and attained a teaching certificate.  Pauline first taught in a single room school in Howell County for a few years.  She subsequently moved to the Southside of Chicago with her sister Gen and a friend to seek more lucrative employment opportunities.  There, she worked in a secretarial pool for an insurance company.  A blind date with Eugene C. Koszycki made obvious the path her life was to take.  Pauline and Eugene wed in 1952.  Six children, eight grandchildren and two great grandchildren ensued.  While raising her children she taught grade school at Saint Walter’s Catholic School and helped Eugene forge a family drapery business.  She had a hand in raising every grandchild, and unconditionally loved and protected her entire family. Curling up with her books earned Pauline the childhood nickname of Possum.  She remained an avid reader throughout life, and enjoyed solving puzzles, writing letters, following the news, and keeping politically current.  She was a conduit of family information while maintaining a rare ability to keep a secret.  Through her very last day, Pauline approached life with a strong will and contagious sense of humor. Preceded in death by her parents John Gordon and Dora Marie (Reese) Denton; her siblings Elmer Denton, Genevieve Stark, John Denton, Max Denton, Leahman Denton, Cecil Denton, and James Denton; her husband Eugene Koszycki and her granddaughter Nicole Forsberg. Survived by her sisters Thelma Williams (Bill) and Bettie Baser (Don); her children Margaret Haufe (Walter), Carl Koszycki (Lydia), Cynthia Forsberg, Patricia Koszycki, Teresa Luketin, and Paul Koszycki; her grandchildren Christopher Forsberg (Ann), Michele Delgado (Sergio), Teresa Forsberg, Megan Griffin (Dan), Jake Luketin, Nate Luketin (Erin), and Dan Haufe; her great-grandchildren John Forsberg and Michael Forsberg. She will be laid to rest at Old Mountain View City Cemetery on Sunday, the 12th of June.  There will be a memorial gathering at her Roselle residence on Saturday the 9th of July.  In lieu of flowers please make donations to your preferred charity.

She will be so missed.   But she was so loved.  And we were so loved by her.

Stubbornness?

This post is a little more personal than I often write.  And a little vulnerable.  But something I've felt like writing for the past couple of weeks.

If you ask those who know me well what word best describes me?  I wish that word was thoughtful, selfless, caring, etc.  But most often the word used to describe me? Stubborn.  It's  not always a trait I particularly love about myself.  But it is not an inaccurate description.  I will be the first to put my foot down about something I don't want to do.  And I will stick to it, sometimes to the point of annoyance to others.  That I don't like.  I don't necessarily like to be stubborn.  Sometimes I do it to prove that I can.

But the other thing that only those who are really close to me understand--I often use stubbornness to cover up anxiety about something.  Am I putting my foot down and refusing to do something out of principle or to prove a point?  Or am I doing it because I am afraid to do what someone is asking me to do? Of trying something new? I can honestly say that even I don't know the reason sometimes.  But there are times that I'm being stubborn that I just want to blurt out, "Keep pushing, I might actually say yes."  There are other times that I want to say, "Stop pushing, you're only making the anxiety worse."  This stubbornness thing, is just plain confusing.

On a positive note, I have recently come to realize that my stubbornness is a good trait to have in my job.  You give me a teenager who hates therapy and refuses to talk, and I will be able to say to that teenager, "You don't have to talk to me.  But I am going to be a solid, trustworthy person in your life for one hour a week.  Whether you want me there or not.   Your sullenness or hostility won't get me to walk away from you because I know that you need someone to stick with you.  So here I am."  Sometimes for a few weeks, sometimes for over a year.  A good portion of the time, I end up with a teenager who says, "This wasn't so bad after all.  You've helped me."  Not all the time, but a good portion of the time.  Maybe it's that anxiety-driven stubbornness that helps me to be this person.  Because often that sullenness and hostility in a teenager is driven by something deeper.

When you see my stubbornness, look deeper.  You might just be surprised at what you find.

Forever a Burke!

For two and a half years, I have been waiting to post pictures of this sweet kid!  Friends of mine, Joe and Ginger, started fostering Daniel when he was one week old.  I got to meet him and cuddle with him the first day he was in their home.  And I've gotten to watch him grow into a spunky, sweet, smiling almost 3 year old!  I've taught him important things, like that his fingers are called phalanges (I'm not sure he knows they are also called fingers!).  Today, I was able to witness his adoption!  I cried (no surprise there) and I couldn't wipe the smile off my face.  I am so excited to watch him grow up as a Burke!

 Mini golf, June 2014

 Daniel's first birthday party, July 2014.

 This family is such a blessing to me!

 "Our village" as Ginger called us! :)

A Day at the Zoo

Sunday I got to spend the afternoon with my sister and her lovely roommates!  They were so kind to let me tag along to the zoo so I could see the new baby lion cubs.

And they were so cute!  Playing and pouncing.  One cub even stalked the zebra in the enclosure next to the lion enclosure.

And look at those paws!

And then I found a cherry blossom tree to take some pictures of, because zoos are not just for viewing animals.

sun. roof.

When I bought my car last year, I wanted the push button start, which was an upgrade. The Civic upgrade only came with a sunroof. I was very against the sunroof, but the push button start won out, so a sunroof I recieved.

It is now one of my favorite features in my car, especially in the spring and fall when it lets in the crisp air.  And that beautiful sunshine.  I love it!

A Day Off? Sure!

Work has been a bit crazy for me lately, so coming up to Easter, I decided it was a good time to take a couple of days off--Good Friday and Easter Monday.  I anticipated these days off probably more than I should!  I have not been sleeping well the last week so I was extremely tired going into the weekend.  The four nights of this break, I never went to bed later than 10:30!  Because I have been waking up extremely early (anyone want to hang out from 3am to 4am?  I'm your gal!), I decided getting to bed early was a priority.  The weekend was filled with fun and relaxation.  But this Monday was spectacular.  I finally saw a decently restful night of sleep!  Which allowed me to get a lot done today and still feel like I relaxed.  I shopped (a lot!) and finally found jeans that aren't too long for me! (At Target of all places).  This particular hunt for jeans left me discouraged on Saturday after about four stores, and led to me being very dramatic and stating, "I guess I won't wear pants this summer!"  I also got back into an exercise routine.  Last week I just fell off the wagon.  And then I ate a ton this weekend.  Something had to change!  And I was able to read and spend more time than usual in Bible study.  And meet a friend for lunch.  And cook a casserole for lunches for the week.  And wash my sheets.  And paint my fingernails and toenails.  Like I said, it was a productively relaxing day which was much needed.  If I had had to go to work today, I might have cried myself to sleep last night because I was still so tired.  But I feel more ready to face the rest of the work week having had today off.

Sorry this was such a boring post after being gone for so long.  Sometimes I have to get my toes wet before I jump in.  So maybe more posts will flow after this!

It's the little things

Every couple of years, I change the design on my Discover card.  I don't really know why, maybe because it makes spending money more fun???  It's the same reason I like to have checks with designs on them--it makes paying bills more fun.  This weekend I got my new Discover card in the mail.  I chose one with the picture of a sea turtle on it. :)

(don't worry--this is the image from the Discover page, not a picture of my card)

Last year versus this year

Last year I bought myself a car for Valentine's Day.

 This year, I bought myself flowers.  I figured I was still paying off the car, so I shouldn't be quite so extravagant two years in a row!

So, Happy Anniversary to my car!  The anniversary was yesterday, but I was celebrating by taking it for a spin to a friend's house for a Euchre tournament.  But it has been a fun year of travelling and tooling around town for fun and work.  15,555 miles later, it is still running well.  It has a few dings and scratches and it is extremely dirty right now, so I didn't take an exterior picture again.  And that remote start I splurged on?  Best $400 I've spent in a really long time.  I take full advantage of it most mornings!