Lots of random thoughts on my mind, so forgive me up front if I ramble and/or don't make much sense. You're getting some of my thoughts "live", meaning I am not filtering.
I was talking to a friend recently about something I was dealing with with one of my clients and her statement to me was, "You're going to make a good mom." I thanked her and didn't think much else of it, but about a week later, I had one of my "moments." The longing and desire of my heart is to be a wife and mother. I know how I get when these moments hit me. The normal pattern is a couple of days of melancholy and discontentment. I didn't want that, so I turned to the Lord. Last summer I did a study on the book of Esther by Beth Moore. One of the weeks, we discussed what ifs. Beth challenged us to take each what if statement and end it with "then God." So that's what I did. Here's what I came up with...
If I don't ever have children, then God will bless me through ministry and a ton of friends and family members who have kids I can love on and I can take part in their lives in ways I wouldn't be able to if I had my own children. I have seen God's faithfulness through this in the past, and I am fully confident that He will be faithful in the future.
After this thought, I went on with my day without another moment of discontentment. Praise the Lord!
Then yesterday and today I began to process it more fully. God is an amazing God who lavishes His love on me. He is a personal God who cares about the details of my life. He knows the number of hairs on my head (no small feat considering how much I lose daily!). He rejoices with me in my triumphs. He comforts me in my sadness. I think He laughs at me daily in my attempt to "do life." But most importantly for this discussion, He knows the desires of my heart. But here's the kicker, and why I am content today in the place He has me, even if I don't fully understand it:
If He knows the desires of my heart, but I think He hasn't fulfilled those desires, then I can believe one of two things.
1. I can believe that God has failed at His work in my life or
2. I can believe that what God has planned for my future is inexpressibly more than I could ever hope or imagine.
I choose, with full assurance, to believe that God has a great plan for my life. It may or may not ever include a husband and children. And I am okay with that. Because I know that God will uphold me. He will bless me in ways I could never comprehend. He will align my desires with His desires. He will use me. Marriage and a family won't complete me any more than the "perfect" job. Only God can complete me.
And that is why I am liking the place where God has me today.
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