Last weekend I was at my mom's, as I have shared. When I got home from the weekend, I had a lot of thinking and processing to do. Emotionally, it was a hard weekend for me. I thought I hid that pretty well, but through a conversation with my mom, I realized that I'm not so good at hiding things. I am 30 and I am single. It is not a horrible thing. It does not mean I have a horrible disease or the plague. However, sometimes I feel like others put that on me or, even worse, I put that on myself. Last weekend was one of those weekends where I put that stigma on myself. One of my greatest desires is to be a wife and mother. I would have loved to have gotten married young and be on my third or fourth child by now. Last weekend I was able to spend four days with my brother, his wife, and his son. I loved the chance to see them. But, being in close proximity to them (we all stayed with my mom in her one bedroom apartment) made me very aware of what I did not have. Then, on Saturday, we went to my cousin's wedding. On my dad's side of the family there are 15 grandchildren. 13 of us are of marrying age. Now that Scott is married, 10 of us are married. Of those who are married, 6 have one or more children. All of us were at the wedding except my cousin Jenniefer (if you still read my blog...we missed you!). So, needless to say, I threw a pretty big pity party for myself, all while trying to smile, be friendly, loving, and happy for everyone else. The best news of that day was that I successfully avoided being dragged/pushed out onto the dance floor for the bouquet toss. Who would have thought I needed to go to the bathroom at the exact time that the DJ said, "Ladies..." :)
So, that was last weekend. Fast forward through a fairly routine work week to this weekend. The True Woman women's conference at church. To say that I learned a lot and got kicked in the behind a few times would be an understatement. But I think I was prepared for that before I went into the evening on Friday. Here are a couple of the things I learned:
- John Piper talked about "the ultimate meaning of true womanhood." He talked about the roles of men and women as believers in Christ is "to display the glory of Christ in its highest expression as the Son dies to make a rebellious people His bride." He gave definitions of manhood and womanhood. While talking about womanhood he made the profound point that my distinction as a woman is essential to the display of His glory. The creation of male and female was not an afterthought for Him. It was a part of His eternal plan.
- John Piper also talked about how married women and single women have ways to glorify God that the other cannot. Neither role is exalted over and above the other.
- Nancy Leigh DeMoss spoke through the Romans 11:33-36 passage. This was by far my favorite of the five sessions we had. She talked about how God's riches, wisdom, and knowledge are unfathomable to us. We will never fully understand them because they are beyond our knowing. For all eternity, we will never be able to get to the bottom or the end of God's depth of character! She made a statement, which I think was actually a quote from John Piper, "In every situation, God is always doing a thousand different things that you can't see and do not know!" I can know that God is at work in my life, working out His perfect plan for me, even if I don't see Him at work!
- In the same session, she talked about how from Him, through Him, and to Him are ALL things. When she was defining what "from Him" meant she said that He is the source of our existence. He has orchestrated all things in my life. Here is the most profound statement of the whole weekend for me and one that I am still processing: "To resent or resist my circumstances is to resent God Himself." The more I read it and repeat it to myself, the more I look back at last weekend and say, "Oops" and begin again to pray that God would reveal Himself to me as my Sustainer. That He would help me to accept and rejoice in my circumstances, no matter what they are. That He would help me to say, "Yes, Lord. You know what is best for me. You see the whole plan while I only see a little bit. You see the end goal. I could never even begin to imagine what Your best is for me. And no matter how much I think I know what is best for me, Your best for me will always be way more perfect!"