This house and these memories

(I know it's a little weird to have a snow picture on the 4th of July but this is the picture I knew I could find the quickest thanks to Facebook!  If any of the aunts have a picture of a 4th of July celebration at the house, I'd love to see it)

 

Today is one of those days that hold a lot of memories for me. It is a day that I love and it is the day that I think most about this house.  Grandma and Grandpa Forsberg always had the best 4th of July shindigs!  Blankets everywhere, people everywhere, food everywhere, fireworks in the evening.  It's the stuff family is made of!  It was the type of celebration that you could invite anyone to.  Friends of friends of friends came out to the house to celebrate.  It's funny how so much memory can fit into such a few years.  I don't remember exactly how old I was when they stopped shooting fireworks off from behind the house, but I couldn't have been that old because we moved to Georgia when I was going into 2nd grade.  Maybe it's the magnitude of the stories that I have heard throughout my life about this day that make the memories so vast for me.  But either way, thank you Grandma and Grandpa and all the extended family and friends for giving me the memories I have.

 

This will be my 7th year of new traditions for me.  Dinner at Kari's parents' house with whoever can come, yard games (although sometimes withe rain and heat those haven't happened), and fireworks downtown by the river.  I miss my family on the 4th, but I love having a holiday where I don't have to travel.  And any time family wants to join me, Kari's family is a lot like Grandma and Grandpa, you'd be welcome to join the festivities at their house!

July 1, 1978

I went up to the suburbs this weekend to see my family.  One of the things Mom suggested we do was go to the cemetery to see Nicole's grave.  Mom, Ann, me, John, and Michael were able to go.  Here are some of the pictures.

John and Mom clearing the grave...

Nicole was buried in a children's section of the cemetery.  This is one of the memorials that was near Nicole's grave site...

Mom also answered some questions for me that I sent her and she gave them to me over the weekend. 

When did you find out about Nicole's condition? We found out about Nicole's condition a few weeks before my due date.  The doctor said he suspected the anencephaly but would not tell me until he was sure.  He had me go for an x-ray (ultrasounds weren't done then) and telling me he thought the baby was breech.  He said it would be better to be prepared in case I went into labor in the middle of the night.  I suspected something was wrong my whole pregnancy so when I heard them page the doctor to x-ray, I knew my fears were to be realized.  Grandma Koszycki was with me and they called her into the room when he told me.

It seemed once a month I would get sick.  It would come on very quickly then be gone.  I thought maybe it was the time I should be getting my period.  I once asked your dad what we would do if something was wrong with the baby.  So I did have a premonition something was not right.  After finding out, I went weeks past my due date.  I was torn between the thought of her being born because at least she was still alive and with me.

Did the doctors discourage you and Dad from seeing her while she was in the hospital?  Your dad saw her within minutes of her being born.  They took her out of the room so quickly my doctor did not even look to see if she was a boy or girl.  He had to send a nurse out to find out what sex the baby was.  One of the nurses started crying.  I was telling her it was alright and my doctor ordered her out of the delivery room so as not to upset me even more.

The doctor told me not to see her as it would haunt me for the next time I got pregnant.  They told us she would live for a few hours but she lived for 15 days.  I told your dad (after I was home) that I wanted to see her.  At first he said no so I told him I would find someone to take me when he wasn't home.  See, I though she wouldn't give up until she met me.  We called the hospital to tell them I was coming to see her.  They put a hat on her to cover the deformity.  I held her, she squeezed my finger, so I took that as a sign that she knew who I was.  I only held her once.  Grandma and Grandpa Koszycki went with me the next day to see her.  We just looked through the window but I could already see how she was deteriorating.  That is the last time I saw her.  My doctor later told me he was happy I did see her.  The funeral director took pictures of her.

Were visitors allowed in the hospital?  Visitors could see me but not Nicole until after I visited her.

I remember you telling me once that the doctors encouraged you to get pregnant right away if you and Dad wanted to have more children.  How did you feel about that? The doctor told me I could have more babies but the chances of this happening again were greater for me than before.  I felt I needed to get pregnant right away or I never would.  I was very scared.  This is when I learned never to say, "It won't happen to me" because anything could and did happen to me...

What were your feelings throughout your pregnancy with me? I was worried the whole time I was pregnant with you. But my doctor told me about the testing we could do to be sure you were healthy. He told me no matter how many times I got pregnant we would run the tests. I asked what would happen if the same condition occurred again and he said we would talk about it if we needed to. I could not focus on the bad thoughts--I had Chris to take care of. I also had to prepare for your birth. I knew deep in my heart God would not take another baby from me.

Was I born early or on time? I think you were born early. We had a 4th of July party at our house and I was in labor most of the day. Not hard labor but I knew something was up and didn't tell anyone. But after the fireworks, when we were going home, I said I would have you the next day. Everyone just laughed--but it was true.

How did you deal with the anniversary of Nicole's death being so close to when I was born? I thin it was good to be pregnant with you at her anniversary because it gave me something good to concentrate on.

When did you tell me about Nicole? I don't remember actually sitting you down to tell you. I think it was just going to the cemetery to visit her grave is how you knew about her at a young age.

Frosting...We're fans!

My birthday celebration began early with time with the family. I got a birthday cake this weekend and Michael was a fan of the frosting! I was laughing so hard because it started with me dipping my finger in and him eating it off of my finger.  Then he dipped his finger in.  Then he dipped his whole hand in.  Sometimes you have to get your sugar any way you can! :)

One finger...

Finger lickin' good...

Digging a crater in the side of the cake...

All sugared up!

Another baby book discovery

This is a note my brother wrote to me one morning before going to school.

"To Teresa.  I Love you But I hav to go to schooL evre day. o k."

Knowing my brother like I do, I can kind of here the resignation in the tone of the letter.  He probably would have liked to stay home with me just as much as I wanted him to stay home with me.  Me, I would have probably been just as happy to go with him to school every day!

3rd 1/2 Annual Cheesy Christmas Movie Night

Why 3rd 1/2 you might be asking? Well, the obvious answer is, why not?!?!  But the real answer is one of the founding members of Cheesy Christmas Movie Night is moving.  And she wanted to have one more celebration before she left.  And who doesn't like Christmas any time of year?  Exactly what we thought.  And, of course, we went over the top for this particular 1/2. :)  The first dilemma was how would we ever find a cheesy Christmas movie in June.  We normally buy one at the store.  So, we had resigned ourselves to watching a movie that we had watched in previous years.  However, Emily, Joanne, and I were not okay with that.  So then we realized we could find movies on netflix.  But none of us are in the 21st century enough to be able to hook our computer to our television.  And then, wonder upon wonders, we realized that the library probably has Christmas movies (although this turned out to be our final dilemma--we ended up with five choices).

The table set up with the five choices.  Since we couldn't really have a Christmasy dessert, I made cotton candy cookies and put them on a Christmas plate.  Although, Joanne found Mexican ice cream that was eggnog flavored.  Go Joanne!  Our five movie choices were: Christmas Angel, Gift of the Magi, Moonlight and Mistletoe, The Christmas Pageant, and Noel.

Because we had more than one choice, we had to re-institute the secret ballot voting from the 2nd Annual Cheesy Christmas Movie Night.  Except with a more elaborate system because there were so many choices.  First round, everyone voted for their two top choices and put them in the ornament candy jar.

But there was a three-way tie for Noel, Moonlight and Mistletoe, and The Christmas Pageant.  I couldn't believe it, as evidenced by the above picture.  So then we had to vote again.  One vote per person for the three movies.

It came down to the last vote as to whether it would be a two-way tie for Moonlight and Mistletoe or The Christmas Pageant.  Very intense.  And it was a two way tie.  So that is when the not so secret ballot voting came in.

Becky was the only one who voted for Noel, so she got to choose which movie we watched. She chose based on the pictures on the back of the cases.  And The Christmas Pageant won!  Yay!

Group picture with all the movie selections and goodies (ice cream, cookies, and popcorn).  And how do you like the snowman angel on top of the tree! :)

The ambiance of a movie with the Christmas tree for the only light.  Notice it is still light outside...that was a little weird because it gets dark a lot earlier in the winter!

Enjoying the cheese factor in the movie.  We were discussing favorite lines.  One of the best was "I felt a shiver in my leg!"

But my personal favorite came from the crowd.  One of the lines in the movie was, "Christmas only comes once a year." and Emily said, "Or twice." :)

After the movie, everyone helped de-decorate the tree and put the room back together.  But we all agreed that the 3rd 1/2 Annual Cheesy Christmas Movie Night was a success!

P.S. You can click the links to view the blog posts for the 2nd Annual Cheesy Christmas movie night (link above) and the 3rd Annual Cheesy Christmas Movie Night.  There was no post for the 1st Annual.

Getting ready for the 3rd 1/2 Annual Cheesy Christmas Movie Night

Emily's former small group girls came over on Thursday. We knew we were having our 3rd 1/2 Cheesy Christmas Movie Night the next night. On Monday I suggested we enlist the girls to help put up the Christmas tree to surprise everyone on Friday. As usual, the girls were up for anything!

Let me tell you, putting up a Christmas tree with 9 people goes so much faster than with 2!  We were completely rearranged and decorated in 25 minutes.  Now granted, we put a shabby 4 strands of lights on the tree and only 2/3 of the ornaments, but it was still fast.  And fun!

The above picture was taken right after I uttered the words, "Don't take a picture of mine and Emily's butts."  :)  I believe the words, "We lost Emily and Teresa under the tree!" were exclaimed hysterically.  Emily and I were screwing the tree into the stand to make sure it didn't fall on anybody.  We weren't really lost.

I got to hang my new 2012 ornament. :) I think this was the only ornament I hung on the tree.  Otherwise, I just unboxed and handed them to a waiting girl.  It was sort of like an assembly line.

Than we had to pose in front of the tree for a bazillion different cameras.

This is how they really felt about the whole process! :)
And then we swore them to secrecy for a whole day.  I told them they could not post any pictures of the tree on any social media because we wanted it to be a surprise for Friday night.  Emily and I told them they could come decorate any time because that was much faster than the 4+ hours it normally takes us to decorate for Christmas!

Love these girls!

Emily's former small group girls (all having just finished their freshman or sophomore years of college) (plus one honorary member) invaded the apartment last night.

First things first, dessert!  Emily made a super easy recipe that was very tasty.

Next, we sat around and laughed and talked serious talk about how they have been doing in college--friends, spiritual walks, being home and in college, being away and in college, shower shoes, how to stand up to peer pressure, etc.  I love these girls and how real they can be with each other and how quick they are to encourage one another.  And how they give great hugs.  And love to laugh and be silly.  And then we started taking pictures!

Aren't they a beautiful group of girls?!  L-R--Jenni, Emily, Kaytlin, Cara, Keely, Kara, Brooke

And they love Emily.  And I love that they include me (but I was taking the pictures, so I missed out on getting my picture taken with them).

And then they decided they needed to take a picture where they are holding Emily.  But they couldn't quite figure it out. :)  And the silliness began...

In the above picture, Emily was laughing so hard she was blurry.  I especially like how Brooke and Jenni were just cradling Emily's head.

And then they put her down.  I promise they didn't drop her.  Emily was still laughing so hard she couldn't talk! 

The last part of the evening is super secret until tomorrow.  More pictures to come!

June 15th

Something many of you don't know about me: I have an older sister.  I was never able to meet her.  She died before I was born.  Saturday would have been her birthday and she would have been 35.  Nicole was born with anencephaly, a cephalic disorder where the brain, skull, and scalp do not fully form.  Nicole lived 16 days.  Neither of my parents talk about Nicole very much, but I know that they still think about her.  My mom still keeps her date of birth and date of death on her calendar, which is why I know those dates.  When I started keeping my own calendar of birthdays, Nicole's got added.  Throughout the years, I've often wondered what it would have been like to have an older sister.  I like being an older sister to Daynah and Josh, so I think I would have enjoyed having an older sister.  I like my brother, after all. :)

While I was reading through my baby book this time around, I read a few entries that finally made sense, now that I am an adult.  I've read my baby book cover to cover more times than I can say over the years and I always just thought they were normal pregnancy entries. 

March 9, 1979: ultrasound and amniocentesis test done (no after effects).

March 16, 1979: One week later.  Results from alpha feto protein test came back as normal.  The range was in the 90% which is good.  Still waiting for the results from the chromosome tests.

April 13, 1979: Chromosome test results back.  Everything is normal.  We also found out your sex but haven't told anyone except Christopher.  He'll say that you are a girl but 5 minutes later says you will be a boy.  It's nice because he keeps everyone guessing!  You are going to be spoiled I'm afraid--we are already buying you outfits (etc.) and you aren't even born yet!  We are really anxious for you to be born now though! (written: April 28, 1979)

After reading these entries, I cried.  I still don't fully understand them, but I realized this time around that these entries were about tests that the doctors did because of my sister's condition.  I finally realized some of what my mom and dad went through during their pregnancy with me.  They had lost Nicole less than a year before that.  I know I don't know the full extent, but these words written during that pregnancy show me how anxious they must have been to know whether I would be healthy or not.  I also did the math and realized that I was born only 4 days after the one year anniversary of Nicole's death.  What a mix of emotions my parents must have had that week!  Maybe I can get my mom to guest post and get some of her insight into all of this information I'm just beginning to understand.

A good indication

This...

and that...

...are a good indication that it is getting close to my birthday the 4th of July.  They aren't open for business yet, but in the next couple of weeks the tables will be laden with fireworks.  I've never stopped to buy anything, but just their presence brings an air of excitement to my life!

A Gift from a Friend

It's always fun when others think of you.  Even when it's just for small things like a wind up turtle that moves around in the water! :)  I had fun playing with him when I should have been doing other fun, productive things!