Something many of you don't know about me: I have an older sister. I was never able to meet her. She died before I was born. Saturday would have been her birthday and she would have been 35. Nicole was born with anencephaly, a cephalic disorder where the brain, skull, and scalp do not fully form. Nicole lived 16 days. Neither of my parents talk about Nicole very much, but I know that they still think about her. My mom still keeps her date of birth and date of death on her calendar, which is why I know those dates. When I started keeping my own calendar of birthdays, Nicole's got added. Throughout the years, I've often wondered what it would have been like to have an older sister. I like being an older sister to Daynah and Josh, so I think I would have enjoyed having an older sister. I like my brother, after all. :)
While I was reading through my baby book this time around, I read a few entries that finally made sense, now that I am an adult. I've read my baby book cover to cover more times than I can say over the years and I always just thought they were normal pregnancy entries.
March 9, 1979: ultrasound and amniocentesis test done (no after effects).
March 16, 1979: One week later. Results from alpha feto protein test came back as normal. The range was in the 90% which is good. Still waiting for the results from the chromosome tests.
April 13, 1979: Chromosome test results back. Everything is normal. We also found out your sex but haven't told anyone except Christopher. He'll say that you are a girl but 5 minutes later says you will be a boy. It's nice because he keeps everyone guessing! You are going to be spoiled I'm afraid--we are already buying you outfits (etc.) and you aren't even born yet! We are really anxious for you to be born now though! (written: April 28, 1979)
After reading these entries, I cried. I still don't fully understand them, but I realized this time around that these entries were about tests that the doctors did because of my sister's condition. I finally realized some of what my mom and dad went through during their pregnancy with me. They had lost Nicole less than a year before that. I know I don't know the full extent, but these words written during that pregnancy show me how anxious they must have been to know whether I would be healthy or not. I also did the math and realized that I was born only 4 days after the one year anniversary of Nicole's death. What a mix of emotions my parents must have had that week! Maybe I can get my mom to guest post and get some of her insight into all of this information I'm just beginning to understand.
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