I have a confession to make. Shhh...don't tell anyone. Ready. Here it is. I'm a teensy weensy tiny bit melodramatic. I know. You guys would never think that. But it's true. I'm an all or nothing thinker. Yeah, I see the gray areas, but more often than not something is really good. Or really bad. No in between. Either I'm on top of the world or the world is going to end. It causes a bit of a roller coaster of emotions in my life. Not always good. Okay, most of the time, not good at all. But after 32 years, I've come to expect it and have tried to learn to deal with it or head it off. Sometimes that works, sometimes not so much.
One year ago today, my dad, stepmom, sister, and brother pulled out of their driveway and headed to Arizona. I would like to say it was just another day for me. No big deal. But...not so much. It was a huge change. I would like to say that I handled it well and with maturity. But...not so much. The honest truth. Many months of bitterness. Toward them. Toward the situation. Toward God. And toward myself for feeling so much. It was a hard few months. Bitterness is never a good thing. It never pays to give into it. But sometimes, at the time, it feels so much easier. I also think those first few months, I lived in denial. I kept thinking they would get out there, hate it, and come back. So, when I would get reports of how much they loved it and were building a life for themselves, the bitterness would grow.
Than I finally had to tear down some walls within myself. I had to face the objects of my bitterness one at a time. God, my family, me, the situation.
I don't know when it happened, but eventually I realized that the bitterness had gone away. I was able to celebrate the people they were learning to love. I was able to invest prayer time in praying for the ministry and for the kids that they were impacting. I was able to see that there is more than just my small little world.
I was able to re-learn a life long lesson...the world does not revolve around me. As much as I often try to change that truth, it's just not going to change.
So, on this one year anniversary, I am able to say, I miss Dad, Amy, Daynah, and Josh terribly. And I can still say I wish they were here. But I can also say that I love that they followed a call that many people would be afraid to follow, and they went into a new world, and they are working to change lives. And I am glad that I can be a small part of that, just by being a part of their family. I love you guys! :)
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