Thursday, April 2, 2009

I Am Kayak, Hear Me ROAR!

I will let that title go unexplained because an explanation would make it much less funny than it is to me right now. If you're a Gilmore Girls fan, you might recognize the quote and will get the connection to my post. Otherwise, I'll just leave you puzzled!

Recently I attended a tea hosted by a ministry at my church for women on their own. The speaker spoke on contentment. I had to laugh because God and I have been talking a lot about contentment lately! She gave a definition for contentment that I really enjoyed and needed to hear:

content--to bring to the point where one is not disquieted or disturbed by desire, even though every wish is not granted!

I mentioned a few posts ago that I have been learning some lessons in contentment. Oddly enough, as I approach 30 as a single woman, it has almost nothing to do with being single (where most of my contentment issues normally stem from!). For the past 3 or 4 months I have felt disquiet in my soul, frustrated but not knowing the source of my frustration. I couldn't figure it out because, like I said, for once I was content being single and had been for a few months. I have vital ministries that I am involved in at church. I have a good group of friends. I have a wonderful family. But something was causing me to be discontent. About a month ago, I discovered where that discontentment was coming from. For more years than I can remember, I always had a major goal or milestone to work toward. Graduate from high school. Graduate from college. Move to a new state to go to seminary. Graduate from seminary. Move to a new state to start a career. For the past three years I have been establishing my life as an "adult." I have a great job, a great church, great friends. But I recently realized that my life could remain just the way it is for the next 20 or 30 years! There is no future goal to work toward. Just more of the same. Now that I recognize this, the disquiet has eased some. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy the life that I am living and am not looking to make any major changes right now. I think for me it had been the not knowing what was going on.

Now that I know, I can rest in the assurance that if there are no more major milestones to work toward, God will keep me satisfied in Him and satisfied in the life I have. He will teach me new ways to glorify Him in ministry, at work, in my family, and with my friends. He will give me the purpose and direction for each new day. He will envelop me in His love and grace and whisper to me each morning, "My grace is sufficient for you." And that will be enough. No need to be discontent.

And I can gladly paddle around in my kayak. I am kayak, hear me roar!

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